New Semester Thoughts

I am now two weeks (about) into the new semester, and I thought I would share my thoughts about it.

Entering the new semester didn't go as smoothly as I would have hoped. My classes are all smashed together, which proves a lot more draining than I originally thought. I have early wake up times, busy days, and lots of projects. I don't get to change scenery or change classmates all that much. It's been hard for both me and Justin to go from days with little obligation to full days with lots of responsibility.

These things take time, they always do...but I was talking with my dad the other day about how I can't understand how it is that I used to be so excited for school to start, and I used to LOVE school as a student. He simply answered that I have become an adult, and know more than I did when I was a kid. I think that is definitely true. I really have been taking care of what media I allow myself to partake of, because there are some things I can handle, and others that I can still handle, but cause a lot of distress and anxiety for much too long.

Beyond knowing more about the world, I think I've reached a point where I am kind of over being in college. I am excited to have my own classroom and start in a new town or region. I have different priorities than most 21 year olds, and I can't decide if that's something I should feel bad about or not.
It doesn't matter, because I don't feel bad about it. Sometimes I compare my experiences with my sister's, who was very involved in her college, and become disappointed that I didn't have as many stories come from these years. I don't think, as long as you are behaving yourself, there is any wrong way to experience life, as long as you are content. I have been more than content for 90% of my college experience, actually. It's easy to focus on the negative, but I really don't have anything to complain about.

If you haven't noticed, I tend to come to this little online corner when I have a lot on my mind. I wouldn't say that I am necessarily unhappy, but I don't feel completely comfortable in this new routine. I feel as though I am constantly looking forward to the next thing, so you can imagine that I am a bit discontent with how some things are going. It doesn't even bother me that I have unwanted thoughts, because they bore me now and I realize are just part of the territory when I get just a little bit anxious. I am dwelling on things longer than I would like, but I am continuing to learn more about what I need to lead a more content life. I don't necessarily say a more happy life, because I am very happy with my life, I'm just unsettled about certain things. I have become more accepting of the fact that my brain thinks about things differently than most others, and that's okay, I just need to find out how to work with that, and maybe there are some good things that come with that.

I am looking forward to (although I'm still working on living in the moment) beginning my time in an elementary school for half of the semester. It's going to be wonderful and at the perfect time of the year, too, right around the holiday season! There is a lot to be thankful for, and I am so glad that I have been given the experiences that I have, knowing that they will continue to strengthen me and cause me to grow. I just sometimes need some reminding :).

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